To Bandit, Unlimited Gratitude

I knew that first time you and Hannah met at one of our local Humane Society pet adoption centers that I would be greatly in your debt. I saw the sparkle enter her eyes, the joy on her face as you rubbed up against her and bounded around, eager to be petted and to play. As we were being read your history, about how someone who previously adopted you had brought you back because of how playful you are, Hannah with some indignation stated, “how can a kitten be too playful!” I knew you had already won her heart, and in doing so mine.

Thank you for listening to Hannah when she needs a trusted confidant, and for snuggling with her when she wants a hug. Thank you for playing with her, for giving her so many reasons to laugh and smile. There is so much more I could say about how important you are to our girl, but you already know it all and sagely hold these things privately with tender care in your paws. This gratitude is so profound it will always earn you forgiveness for each and every item you have so artfully destroyed with such unaffectedly cute aplomb. Bandit, we all love you and are incredibly thankful for your role in our family.

Some Reading to Consider

The Depression Cure, by Stephen S. Ilardi, PhD

Andy and I watched a TEDx talk given by the author of this book, and that was what sparked my curiosity to read it. As some of you already know, depression has touched the lives of some of the most treasured people in my world. I make this recommendation not just for that reason. For any parent of a kiddo with significant needs, even if you start this journey as a perennial sunflower of positivity, what you will find is that years of facing a variety of challenges with your differently abled loved one in the context of every other typically occurring negative event in life can feel daunting- and without conscious action on your part the totality of these experiences can start to rip out your emotional petals.

Whether you are already standing in a pile of shredded bloom or are hoping to prevent that, this book presents solidly researched strategies that have proven beneficial to reduce or reverse entirely symptoms of depression without medication. The author has drawn together several independent elements substantiated by the work of other researchers to improve depression symptoms and combined them into a program of his own (Omega 3 supplements, don’t dwell on the bad stuff, exercise, light exposure, social connections, and getting adequate sleep). His program, called “Therapeutic Lifestyle Change (TLC),” has also been tested for efficacy and will require participants to make, as the title suggests, some lifestyle changes. There can be no doubt this will require more of a person, but the cited rates of improvement as demonstrated by the study are also significantly better than the rates of improvement for those individuals taking depression medications alone (roughly 25% for medication only, about 75% for TLC) and could be a great option if you feel up to trying.

I can only speak for myself and say that I already do a number of these elements. People sometimes remark to me that I am doing surprisingly well given all of the things that have been happening. Honestly, even at that I can only say I don’t always handle everything as well as I would like to- we have a lot going on and many of our current experiences I have no prior similar encounters to inform my handling of them. And, if your only connection to our story is reading this blog, you literally don’t even know the half of all the drama.

I can tell you what got me through some of the hardest parts of five years ago was loading Tony up in his stroller and going for a 4-5 mile speed walk in the sun. I often started out as a wilted and plucked bare stem, but by the time I got home, I felt like a field of fearlessly smiling sunflowers ready to shine through the rest of my day. Because I am a vegetarian, I supplement my omegas with both flaxseed and algae. Tony’s therapy schedule is pretty intense (more than 40 hours a week, and I also home school both our kiddos), so I don’t always get to have the number of social interactions Ilardi recommends, but I know each interaction I do have heals so many emotional wounds. I cherish my interactions with Gena each week. Even phone conversations can I think be amazingly restorative- Mandee, my conversation with you last week brought soothing light to a very dark day.

And that’s just my experience with a few of the elements his approach uses. Doing all of these things hasn’t made my life perfect. Certainly it will not banish problems, but it does help prevent them from sucking the life and the sparkle out of all of my moments. Whether you are a special needs parent or not, this is a great program to be aware of for restoring or protecting emotional and mental health.

improv wisdom, by Patricia Ryan Madson

This book has been around for a while, and based on the title probably doesn’t seem to have any sort of applicable tie-in to any topic that usually appears on our blog. And yet, the author eloquently demonstrates how thirteen rules for successful improvisation in skits can apply to the every day challenges in life. And, if you are the parent of a kiddo with rare genetic disorders, you probably are already beginning to realize that this path can rapidly turn you into a veteran improviser.

Wherever you are and whatever you are facing on your journey, as the author states on page 141, “joy seems not so much dependent on the conditions of our external reality as it is on our way of looking at life.” This book is full of many useful tools and exercises to help you re-visualize what you are looking at so that you can mine gems out of every day mud, rock, and muck. And that can be incredibly beneficial to anybody.