To Ash

If I were asked to give a naked truth, I would have said that you were never anyone I expected to find reaching out to me in times of needed repair, extending grace and support. We lived in different friendship circles, even when we used to go to the same church. Yet two debts I owe you for being there in times that tear. For being the one to send me a picture of Hannah standing in line getting ready to sing with the school choir at a Diamondbacks game a couple of years ago when I couldn’t be there, endless thanks. You do not know, but I was out doing public therapy with Tony at a local Fry’s when I received your unexpected text, having decided it was more productive than the crying at home I had been doing. My eyes were left watering once again- I know I thanked you in that moment, but I am sure my words then and now are too clumsy to allow my depth of feeling to speak for itself.

For contacting me in May when news of my choice had finally reached you through the words of others, for validating the difficulties/truths of my reality, for recognizing how tight my schedule is and driving all the way out here to meet with me in person to make sure I was doing OK, and for offering your support: literally no words. Of all the people I had expected to hear from during that time period, it honestly wasn’t you, but I am glad that it was. THANK YOU. Thank you for helping a wounded part of me to heal. In that moment, you again did more than you know.

Some Reading to Consider:

This month, my book recommendations are going to be fiction, because sometimes reality just plain sucks and I need a few moments to pretend it’s not waiting to clutch my ankles and tug on me later in the day. Case in point:

However, I am going to be providing a few alternative articles that you can choose to read from if you prefer. My fictional choices may not be everyone’s cup of tea. The two books I will be mentioning were both written by authors on the spectrum for a probable target audience younger than myself, and they are both inclusive to lifestyles that others may be sensitive to (though I am not).

While I agree with Richard Rohr that “the point of the Christian life is…to stand in radical solidarity with everyone,” I want to be respectful about the rights of others to hold different views. And, the part of me that says “don’t care, bury me in glitter and fantasy anyways” tends to appreciate artistry for all stages and ages of life. As a general note, I’m not going deeply into plot lines, nor am I giving a heavy critique. Having written both fiction and poetry myself at points in my life, I understand that many elements of these works are subjective, and some of us would prefer to avoid spoilers.

Dragon Pearl, by Yoon Ha Lee

I found this story, which blends elements of science fiction, folk lore, and fantasy to be quite imaginative. From the author’s website, I have gleaned that it was written predominantly for a middle school audience. The protagonist, Min, is a young girl who embarks on a journey through space to find her brother and clear his name. The pacing lagged a little bit in the middle, but for the most part the plot clipped along at a nice speed and I found myself actually wanting to loose sleep to finish it. I also appreciated that while Min heavily employed subterfuge in her quest, by the end of the book she was recognizing that not all of the outcomes would be positive, as others she valued had different opinions about her motives and experienced feelings of their own about being misled. This book has an ending that would lend itself well to a sequel, and I am definitely hoping he chooses to expand on Min’s story.

Otherbound, by Corinne Duyvis

I checked this one out awhile ago from the library and loved it enough to buy an e-copy for myself. The plot is refreshingly original and the character development fully engages the reader. This book, which is targeted to an older teenage audience, has two main characters whose happiness and fates have become symbiotically entwined. Nolan, who unwillingly gets sucked into Amara’s pain-filled experiences on another world, desperately wants to end their connection to reclaim his own life. Amara, forced into an agonizing life of slavery protecting a cursed princess, unknowingly needs Nolan to fuel her healing abilities. At the end of a complicated journey, both seem to realize that treading their own paths isn’t exactly the gift of complete relief that they expected.

“Self Care IS YOU”, by Yanika Nicholas

This is a blog post Hannah read, loved, and recommended it to me. Because it meant so much to my beautiful daughter, I am passing it along as reading we both recommend. Hannah says that she liked the blog in general, not just the post, but the post is what I’m going with. Click on her post title above for a link to that.

“Research Reveals a Surprising Solution for Anxiety,” by Diane Dreher, Ph.D.

This is an article Andy recently read and recommended to me from Psychology Today. The author discusses research that has demonstrated the importance of showing compassion to ourselves and others in reducing stress and anxiety. I love that practicing something so nurturing to those around us can also bring healing into our own lives. And at the end of the day, most of us want to be accepted, loved, treated kindly, and healed from the tensions that are tearing us down. Again, click on the title for a link if you are interested in reading it.

“The Silence of Shunning: A Conversation with Kipling William,” by Janice Harper, Ph.D.

This is another article from Psychology Today, and comes as a recommendation from me to other parents of special needs kiddos. Whatever the cause or circumstances, you may experience being left out, isolated, or ostracized in some form or another at more than one point of time on your journey. As the author points out, many types of circumstances can trigger this kind of social unravelling. This article offers some great insights into why people engage in that form of behavior, and what you can do to find healing as you work your way through those experiences. My every hope and prayer is that you will never need this, but in case you do for whatever reason, hugs and this is a great article to read. Again, click on the article title above for a link.