Lessons From Lexapro

My world feels tilted off balance sometimes. I feel like I am constantly having tough things thrown in my direction and sometimes all of that dodging and swaying back and forth to manage all of it and stay standing can leave me feeling emotionally dizzy. Sometimes, that is just life, but it’s definitely life when living in high-stressville. Nobody really gets promised an easy ride in that town.

A couple of weeks ago I had a few days where I tried Lexapro to see if that could help me stand a little bit better right now. For me, as I discussed last week, it certainly didn’t work out that way, but I honestly am really grateful that I had the experience to feel some of the possible side effects of that medication first-hand. Sometimes personal experience is much more valuable for teaching empathy and awareness when it comes to what loved ones around me might be experiencing if they are on these medications.

Sometimes these medications may help with one problem a person is having but cause another one that can be just as damaging to their quality of life and mental health. I’ve had insomnia before in my life, so for that particular side-effect to be so intense was a lesson manual I have already been through, and it’s a suckfest that’s for sure! Being unable to sleep is a little more worrisome for me now though because for me in particular it seems that getting a certain number of hours of sleep each night means the difference between my POTS being well-regulated or not so much, but this side-effect can have an incredibly negative impact on anybody.

The wave of intense chemical induced anxiety that came with the Lexapro, however, gave me a fresh perspective on what it would feel like to have a brain submerging a person in that on a daily basis. And, it was quite frankly awful adding that on top of my already adrenaline heavy state at that time. I do already have a lot of situations going on in my world that can put a person in fight-or-flight mode. Typically I can do mindfulness and breathing exercises to mitigate that and when I’m feeling worried or scared about something, the most my heart rate will go up is 5-10 BPM. If my mindfulness game is really on point, it won’t go up at all. While I was on the Lexapro, the elevated heart rate was what it was and no amount of mindfulness or burning off excess adrenaline with physical activity was bringing it back down. And because it was aggravating my POTS, I couldn’t do as much physical activity.

And, I have to say that experiencing on that medication the side effects of reduced libido and inability to orgasm was also as unwelcome as it was edifying. I think there is perhaps too much societal stigma for people maybe to openly discuss that, but after my brief stint on that medication I feel like it’s something more people should talk about and be aware of because perhaps a partner or spouse is on that and it’s important to know that this is what they could be experiencing in their quest to improve other symptoms but might be too uncomfortable talking about it to say so. I think this knowledge could prevent a lot of misunderstandings and allow partners to better support one another if that is the experience that is being had. Which is why I decided to share that with each of you, so that you can be aware too in case you were not.

Right now, I’m focusing on trying to break each day into smaller pieces. To burn off the adrenaline when I can. To sleep when I can. To focus on taking time to write about everything I have to be thankful for even in high-stressville when I can. To take care of me as best I can, because being able to do that means being able to take care of the ones I love. Sometimes none of this is easy, and none of it falls as neatly into place as a group of typed words. Lexapro certainly didn’t make things easier, but I definitely learned some lessons from it that will help me bring a better version of me to loved ones around me who are on this medication. And that is something to be thankful for even in the midst of something that could otherwise appear to be a failure.