To Hannah
My sweet daughter, my love has been, is, and always will be yours without any need to do anything, much less something that would necessitate a gratitude note. But I know I owe you a note all the same. For holding my hand in the middle of the night on the way to the ER, for texting me words of encouragement and jokes throughout the night, for helping me to do laundry for the next few days, for helping get your brother back down the stairs when climbing even half way up was sending my heart rate above 150: thank you. If I could give you anything, it would be a moment to feel the depth of what I feel internally when I think of you. Since that is beyond my power, I want you to know how much knowing you has been a gift and a blessing in my life, and how much I appreciate you for the tender caring you showed me that night.
To K.L. and her MA
I know these are difficult and scary times, so I wasn’t sure what to expect when I needed to ask permission to bring our little man in with me for an appointment this past month because there was nobody else who could sit with him. Words are not enough to express how grateful I am that you approved that, knowing as you did that Tony might struggle to keep his mask on his face the whole time. For your patience and understanding when he ripped the paper off the exam table and flung the pillow behind it, and for making me feel like it really was no big deal to have to clean up after that: thank you. Thank you for prioritizing my health and safety that way.
Some Viewing And Reading To Consider
“Listen,” produced by Nicki Priem on behalf of communicationfirst.org
Hannah was the first person to show me a trailer for the movie “Music,” and as the mother of a beautiful nonverbal Autistic boy who uses AAC to communicate, I had a pretty strong visceral negative reaction to it. I’m not really going to delve into that here, because Hannah has asked my permission to post a review she is writing of that movie here on our family’s blog sometime soon. I also want to make it clear that I really love a lot of Sia’s music and I do not support any form of personal attack on her as an artist or a person. Sometimes I have gotten things wrong, and I know I would hope for patience and gentleness from those around me who were trying to educate me. That being said, I think it is important for each of us to hear and read the words of nonverbal Autistic individuals regarding these controversies. The title above has a link, I would encourage each of you to watch at least the short film, and if you have time perhaps read some of the article or essay links posted farther on down the page.
For some families working on the frontlines or anywhere in healthcare whether they had exposure to COVID patients over the past year or not, the applause was never there. I will not be citing any of our experiences over the past year here as I seek to keep this blog a safe place for everyone connected with our family and I know other individuals view these situations in a different light. I will say though that I have had to work very hard at healing some pains and minimizing the effects of the stressors created by these unwritten events. As I put it to one person recently, I have had to rip apart hay stacks daily to find and maintain any sort of inner peace or calm. I get there most days, but it takes a great deal of work in the face of constant legitimate and unavoidable stressors, emotional or otherwise.
And I have read the words of other individuals, one doctor’s op-ed in particular stuck out to me as he described watching the same neighbors that begged him not to get on the elevator with him clap and cheer for healthcare workers on their balconies every night. The effects of these attitudes aren’t just a devastating emotional pain for healthcare workers themselves, but the impact ripples over every member of their family like a potential mental health destroying tsunami.
If we turn the collective backs of our communities on the very people we are hoping to save us and take care of us, what does that say about our values as a society? How long can we expect an increasingly isolated community of healthcare providers to stay strong and be there for us if we turn our backs on them? Consistently, what the evidence has shown is that healthcare workers have not been fueling the spread of this virus- rather, it is private or public gatherings where protective equipment such as masks and adequate ventilation have been lacking.
We are placing an enormous burden on health care providers in our communities by refusing to modify our personal behaviors and pushing our local healthcare systems in some places to the brink of failure. A burden they may not continue to carry if the personal cost to them becomes too high. Some providers have already walked away from healthcare because of their experiences in this pandemic. As COVID seems likely to be with us for quite some time, I think we owe it to everyone we are hoping to be there to save us to educate ourselves about what is driving the continuing spread of this virus. To educate ourselves about the extensive training that is given to healthcare workers for how to effectively use protective equipment and reduce the risk of becoming infected.
As always, this past year my husband hasn’t brought home a single illness to our family, not so much as one- and none of our quarantines have been related to his job. Of course, that could change, as it could for any of us. Some of my readers have themselves already had this virus from another source or know plenty of other people who have been infected. A healthcare provider wasn’t the cause of infection in any of the cases I’m aware of. So, my hope is each of you could take the time to read that article (click on the title for a link), and then take the time to reach out and wrap your arms around someone you know who’s working in healthcare right now. They may have toughened up enough to get by without that, a person can indeed get mighty tough and find happiness with just a speck of sunshine in their lives if they are so inclined, but I bet they’d appreciate it all the same.
