Maybe She’s Going Through It…

The stairway up to the balcony level at Symphony Hall is pretty wide. If I had to estimate, I would say it is four feet at least between the wall and the first set of rails, and then another four feet or so of stair width on the other side of the middle rail. Hannah was walking very quickly up one of those sides (we were heading up to the balcony for the start of the Nutcracker, everyone else using the stairs at the time we were on them was going up), and I was on the other side of the rail, getting ready to walk past a couple of people to the side of me holding on to the middle rail.

One of the women looked me straight in the eye as I was starting to pass them (I had looked over at her as I walked past to make sure I was easily clearing without contact) and she said “Well, if you’re going to be so rude and you can’t wait you might as well just pass.”

From my perspective and memory, I was a bit confused as to why she felt I had been rude to her because there was a good 12 inches at least of space between her and me. I said to her that I wasn’t trying to give any offense or trying to be rude, I was just walking past as I was trying to keep up with my daughter on the other side.

I asked Andy when we got home if there was some etiquette rule for that type of situation that I wasn’t aware of about stairs and he didn’t think so. I Googled, and didn’t come up with a different answer from his. The feedback I was given from others I discussed this with was that she went off on me unnecessarily, and one person I spoke to felt like my take was too generous.

My take was to send hopes and prayers for some positive energy from the universe to go her way. And quite frankly, I’m worried about her. And this is not virtue signaling for those of you who have been rightly taking your social media induced cynicism gummies. I feel some genuine heartfelt concern is warranted if there wasn’t an actual breach of etiquette on my part. I know when I’ve reacted in a way others might not have expected, I was going through some pretty tough stuff (you should read that as I was in some really, really hard circumstances that I barely made it through without falling apart) and struggling with the stress and weight of it all. My thought is maybe she’s going through it and whatever it is, it’s pretty damn rough for her right now.

If you’ve read every single post, you would know we’ve been through a lot on this journey. And everything you read is nowhere near all of it. Not even close. If there is one thing from the bottom of my heart that I have learned and learned well because of this journey is that sometimes when a person is struggling in the moment, there’s so much more going on behind the scenes that led to whatever it was that happened.

Part of me wishes more people could see all of that and have compassion for me when I struggle with something or do come across rude, but then part of me gets it. Most people aren’t seeing most if any of whatever is going on. They’re perhaps not experiencing anything like it themselves. They don’t know that maybe I’ve really been going through it.

This is the time of year where we love to buy people gifts, but I think the ones that mean the most may be harder to give, though they are certainly cheaper. The best gift I would want anybody to give me sometimes is a little grace and compassion when I’ve been a little rough around the edges. Because sometimes y’all, I’ve just been going through it. And yeah, maybe I goofed and did something rude at some points (usually without meaning to, it was just the stress showing through). But maybe after walking a few years in my shoes, other people might also find it would be hard to be completely polished and perfectly professional or polite all the time. Because when enough stuff hits the fan for me or anybody, I think it really can be hard to show up as one’s best self in every situation. I know I definitely sometimes fall short of everything I want to be on this journey. And that has helped me to see something different sometimes in other people’s reactions to things.

I am wishing all of you positive energy and happy days ahead this week. Much love, Ari