To Kendra

This is a note I am not even sure how to begin to write. I don’t even live with the ghost of spare time unless I am blowing off a bunch of things I need to do (and occasionally I do have to do exactly that or I would completely loose it with everything that has been going on). Therefore my sweet and beautiful friend, yours is the only blog I consistently read each and every week. I mean no offense to others, but I am stretched so thin I sometimes marvel that my sanity remains unsnapped. However, because I do read your blog each week, I know you have been haunted by many struggles of your own and every now and then you worry that you are failing at things.

I cannot say it strongly enough: you make a difference in many people’s lives, and you have made a difference in mine. A little over two years ago when I began communicating to others about what I was feeling after some of the things I had experienced when I began wearing pants to church to better support and care for our son in that environment, your response left me feeling entirely seen, heard, loved, and supported. You never tried to make excuses for the behavior of others, simply acknowledging that what I said was true- and it was. When you offered to wear pants with me so that I would feel less alone, I cried.

I turned you down because I didn’t want you to be experiencing anything like the most cutting of reactions I received. And even when people weren’t directly turning away from me, sometimes they would react with a mixture of support and questions that left me feeling like they were trying to find me sinning somewhere even if I wasn’t actually trying to criticize your church leaders with my wardrobe choices. I had to look beyond the questions and try to hold onto their intentions when I would get asked if I was taking anything to be that muscular (um, crickets chirping…no) or why I didn’t just wear pants beneath my skirt (trip hazard). I myself am no paragon of reacting perfectly in every moment or to every situation. Sometimes I get more than just one proverbial foot shoved into my mouth, so while those moments may have hurt I wasn’t judging anyone for them.

Thank you for teaching me so much with the gracefulness of your reaction and just hugging me close. Thank you for validating my perspective. I know you are truly a faithful and devoted member of your church, which is why I felt genuinely heard and seen when you offered to wear pants with me. I can’t really write about this in a way that can help you understand what that did for me in that moment, or what it meant to me to have you say you would always love me and consider me a friend when I resigned my membership. You are loved my friend, and you definitely matter.

Updates and General Commentary

Before I get to my reading and viewing recommendations for this month, I would like to share a bit of good news. We were finally able to get our little man in to see his urologist for the results of this year’s kidney ultrasound, and were told that everything looks so good Tony will no longer need yearly follow up on his kidneys. We are rejoicing, and wanted to share 🙂

The appointment itself was a little bit harder to get him through than I would have liked because his system was still regulating after having been pulled off of the SSRI. We have had a lot going on because of the extra support he has needed through the past several weeks combined with our Halloween season activities. And, to be perfectly honest, I have spent a little bit of time blowing off a few of the less important things I should be doing this past month 😉 So, my reading/viewing recommendations are super short.

“I Don’t Like Meditating. Here’s Why I Do It Anyway,” by Jason Brick

This is a healthline article Andy read and found interesting enough to forward to me. I think there are a couple of very valuable points the author makes for anybody struggling with the concept of meditation. While he does leave links to research supporting the benefits of meditating, I love that he points out that there are many different ways of meditating as well as some physical activities that double as a form of active meditation, and that the best method for you is the one you feel comfortable doing. I personally do best with some of the Buddhist and active meditation traditions, but I know people that struggle with either of those. While he doesn’t provide details on the other options he listed, he does give a few links and I find his permissiveness in finding your own way on the subject to be rather refreshing.

The author also mentions that for those overwhelmed by their schedules, even starting with just a minute of meditation can be valuable. I think many of us can find an isolated minute, and that is why I find this article to be recommended reading. You can click on the article title for a link if you are interested.

“How To Trick Your Brain Into Falling Asleep,” by Jim Donovan

Mr. Donovan is a musician and educator who experimented with rhythm techniques to help improve his sleep. Hannah and I watched his TEDx talk on the subject together, and I found the techniques to be similar to some of those used in Neurologic Music Therapy. Hannah and I tried out his recommendations, and we both did find them useful in falling asleep. If you are someone who sometimes struggles with calming your thoughts at bedtime, we think this is worth trying. Again, clicking on the talk title will link you to the video.