To the Anonymous BCBA: Anonymous Online, but not in Our Hearts

Without your decision last year to take over the clinical supervision of our son’s programs, Tony’s ABA programs would have entirely ceased to be, and his ABA RBT would have had to take another job. I honor your desire to remain unknown on these pages, but as a mother, you have every thousandth of an ounce of gratitude this intervention could have call for. Thank you also for working with us to expand the number of authorized hours covered by his insurance. Our family deeply appreciates everything you contributed to keeping these programs that our son so desperately needs in place.

A Few General Notes:

First, I would like to publicly congratulate BCBA1, who has recently earned her BCBA and been promoted to the position of Tony’s Clinical Supervisor going forward. We are delighted that someone so familiar with our son’s needs will be able to fill that position going forward, and we are also welcoming two other members to the ABA team who may or may not appear in the posts about his programs, depending on what their personal wishes are as we discuss them.

Second, we are heading into the holiday season, which is always a lot for me to manage. From the end of October through the beginning of January, it’s always a bit more stressful for me trying to pull together the accoutrements for our celebrations while juggling the other aspects of our life. So, for the next two months, I am going to be breaking down what probably would have been a couple of mega posts on ABA into much smaller posts that spread over the course of the holiday season…because I would maybe like to enjoy all of this a little bit more this year than I’ve been able to for the past couple.

Third, my reading recommendations for the next couple of months are going to be mostly aimed at escapism, with a couple of shorter articles thrown in for the more serious minded among us. Family will of course know this, but there has been more than one death in the family, and higher levels of stress and distress have been the unwelcome guests for many at their proverbial tables…so I want to keep things mostly lighter when it comes to the reading for the next couple of months. I will lead in with the more serious recommendations, and I will be keeping my remarks on all of the items here quite brief.

Some Reading to Consider:

Internet Backs Woman’s Decision Not to Invite Her Severely Autistic Sister to Her Wedding, by Jack Beresford, reporting for Newsweek

I think the circumstances described in this article are difficult all the way around. I do not want my words to add to the heap of criticism that the internet piled at the doorstep of this family, but they are here merely to ask each of you to think equally about both sides of this type of issue. Those of you who were at Vida’s funeral already know how I handle these types of situations where the cultural norms aren’t supportive of the level of engagement Tony is capable of having at this type of event: neither Tony nor I show up. The other side of that coin though is that I rarely get to go to family events that I would love to be at, and in addition to the disappointment of constantly missing everything, the isolation I feel sometimes is extreme. Many people had no problem stepping into the shoes of the bride to be. Now I am asking each of you to step in the shoes of her parents and sister.

The story of Carol and Karen: Two experimental Facebook accounts show how the company helped divide America, by Jessica Guynn and Kevin McCoy, reporting for USA Today

I think it is important for each of us to remember daily the degree to which social media platforms are endeavoring to modify our behavior in ways that benefit the platform developers by increasing their revenues from advertisers. The degree of intolerance that has arisen for different ideas and beliefs on these platforms is deeply concerning. Just even from an academic perspective, “group think” and tribalism tend to lead to inferior, if not heartbreaking, outcomes. As I consider back and forth whether or not I want to join any of the main platforms to gain easier access to certain social or support groups, as someone who has absolutely no interest in being an influencer, I think a lot about how necessary it is to be aware at all times of the very real risks these platforms pose and how the money making models operate.

The Mermaid and the Bear, by Ailish Sinclair

I loved this book, like in a skipping through the meadows, singing under the rainbows, dancing with the wildflowers, and tossing glitter up in the air kind of way. This book is a romance (clean for the sake of my lovely in-laws), but it is romance done well. The author bases her story on historical events, but gives the heroine in the book a much happier ending than occurred in the real life version of events. There is an incidence of rape touched upon in this book, for those who need a trigger warning on that, but I was impressed with how the author handled this in a way that kept it from darkening up the piece too much.

House of Salt and Sorrows, by Erin A. Craig

This book is an imaginative and compelling twist on the Twelve Dancing Princesses. There are elements of fantasy, mystery, and romance (cleanly done) in the plot. As someone who loves all three of those genres, I definitely found this book to be an enjoyable and diverting read.