Pastor James and Pastor Susan

When I first texted Pastor James for permission to bring Tony in to First Church outside of worship services to help acclimate him to that environment, he had only met me once and Tony not at all.

To both Pastors- James and Susan- thank you for so graciously supporting our family in this and for showing an interest in learning more about our son’s conditions so that you could provide better support. And, thank you for not revoking your consent after all of the things you could have read from these pages. I am grateful you have always treated Tony so naturally like an equal and waited patiently for his responses. I am also very grateful for your kind understanding each and every time he refused to say ‘hi’ to you. In the past several months I have discovered that this UCC lives up to its mission of being a church of “extravagant welcome.”

I remain uncertain we will ever succeed in helping our little man become comfortable enough to make it through any of your actual services, but thank you for your ongoing support as we try.

Some Halloween Reading to Consider

Before I go into my reading recommendations for this month, I’d like to take a brief moment to comment on the importance of communities supporting individuals with Autism or sensory differences in celebrating holidays such as Halloween in ways they find comfortable and less threatening. Holidays are meant to be enjoyed, but if a fabric hurts or irritates an individual’s more sensitive skin nerves, being forced to wear that to conform to the expectations of others within the community would not deliver a joyful experience. I wrote about some of our experiences with this last year in my post “This is Halloween…”

The same applies to any other element of Halloween, from visually overwhelming yard displays to crowded and noisy events. We experience commentary for any variation of the cultural norm in how we celebrate this and every other holiday as we seek to accommodate Tony’s needs and wants. Sometimes people think what we are doing is weird, or that we are inappropriately depriving Tony of experiences they love. I think the key is in that last bit… “they love.” Tony does not. He doesn’t like any candy other than skittles or dum-dums. He doesn’t like the crowds. He hates the costumes, and he’s only OK with less scary or less visually overstimulating decorations.

Sometimes this can be tricky when you have two kids with opposing needs and interests. We are handing out candy, but may not trick or treat at all – because Hannah and Tony both would prefer to do that this year. In our home, we are doing themed weekends for treats and movie watching. Multiple Harry Potter films, Hocus Pocus, The Nightmare Before Christmas, and Coco will all get viewings as we move from Halloween into our Dia de Muertos activities. We are seeking to do our best to honor Tony’s cultural heritage with an Ofrenda and traditional foods for that holiday.

When we show acceptance for the many different ways families of individuals on the spectrum celebrate Halloween and every other holiday, everyone can feel the joy that should come with these celebrations.

“Tips for a Successful Halloween,” by Amanda McKinney and Olivia Fryer

This blog post from Arizona Autism United gives many valuable recommendations and preparatory activities to help Autistic individuals prepare for community interactions and holiday displays that typically occur on Halloween as celebrated in the US. The only thing I would add as a recommendation to the advice given is that it may be useful to walk a kiddo through the Halloween aisles or costume stores a few times to help get them used to the types of outfits and the range of decorations they could encounter. I think the advice for going during the daytime is good, but may be harder to implement in some neighborhoods, as work schedules may not allow many people to be home and prepared for earlier arrivals. Even for readers who don’t have a loved one with a sensory processing disorder or Autism, I think this is still very valuable reading because it expands understanding for the range of what can be encountered when the door is opened on Halloween night. You can click on the title of the article for a link.

“For Autistic People, ‘Benevolent Ableism’ Can Be a Form of Bullying,” by Haley Moss

This is a thought-provoking opinion piece written by a young woman with Autism where she explains her feelings about others who limit what she is included in based upon their own views of what she is capable of enjoying. She reminds her readers of the importance of seeking the input of the individual themselves before excluding based on possibly misperceived comfort levels and capabilities. Again, you can click on the article title for a link.

“James Celebrates Halloween,” by Carolyn Huston

This book was written to serve as a social story for elementary school aged Autistic children. Many components of traditional American Halloween celebrations are discussed. The book finishes with some tips for parents and a pre-made handout for non-verbal trick-or-treaters. I love that actual photographs are used instead of illustrations, I think this makes it much more useful for kiddos on the spectrum. We have been using this with our sweet Tony to prepare for activities within the community, but I think it could also be a useful resource in special ed classrooms, as some school activities that can happen for this holiday are discussed.