As I begin to write this, some of you are still laughing together, enjoying the gathering Tony and I left behind. He and I were only there an hour, but for a holiday celebration that brought together so many people from our family that is still a remarkable achievement for our little man.
Perhaps some of you may have guessed this by now, but I rarely enjoy the holidays anymore. An enormous amount of additional work often goes into supporting any appearance we make as a family. Vacations require an even greater effort. Often then, I find a quiet day at home to be more celebratory and certainly far more relaxing.
Now I celebrate for different reasons. I celebrate because we were there for so long without a meltdown, self-harming, or an attempt to flee. I am grateful so many of you sent selfies so that we could show Tony who he could expect to see. I deeply appreciate that my honey took the time to drive to Kyle’s house and take pictures in advance, making a slide show video with these and the selfies for Tony to watch this morning. I think a huge part of our little man’s comfort was to be found in these efforts to prepare him for what he could expect.
I could throw confetti all over the bouncy house Kyle set up, asking us first if we thought Tony would enjoy it enough to make him more comfortable at their house. Tony absolutely loved jumping around in that. I am very grateful for the tender mercy of an unexpected swing bench Tony could go to when he wanted a little extra calming.
We arrived in separate cars so that I could drive home with our son as soon as he began to feel overwhelmed. Each of you know I didn’t talk to many people while I was there…but I would have been happy to. Somebody had to stay with Tony, and since this was a gathering of my honey’s family, I felt it most appropriate that he should be the one to get to visit others. Sometimes even holiday gatherings can feel more isolating that way.
And, I cannot forget to acknowledge with a great deal of gratitude that Hannah drove with me on the way there to help make sure I didn’t get lost. I’m good at doing that sometimes 😉 My original plan for this week’s post had been to write about other positive developments. However, Hannah has asked that I write more about our holidays. Sometimes that is harder for me because I just feel so worn down by the time we get through them that internally each year I get a tiny bit more grinchy about doing anything outside of our home. “As you wish” though, my sweet Hannah.
In closing out this week’s post about today’s Thanksgiving lunch, I must confess that because so many of you pitched in with pictures, our time at it went far better than I expected. I honestly wasn’t thinking we’d make it more than 15 or 20 minutes.
Maybe in typing this I can see more light than the ones imagined in my mind from the Christmas strands we are soon to hang. I just can’t promise to surrender my holiday “cuddly as a cactus” quite yet. But perhaps in the coming years as Tony continues to get more comfortable with these types of events, I’ll be able to discard it as an old skin of needles I’ve outgrown. Certainly my tender heart has already grown a great deal more than “three sizes” over the past seven years, and that is something I will always be willing to celebrate.
