I had a series of revelations recently about what some of my more significant stressors are and how they are impacting my health. The contrast was made by comparing some blood pressure readings, interestingly enough.
A couple of months ago I needed to take Tony in to a follow up I had with my allergist because nobody was available to babysit him. He’d never been to that office before, and medical settings still aren’t his favorite even when he knows he’s not the one being seen. And for me, the parts that were most stressful were the parts where they were trying to take my blood pressure and I was worried he was going to run out the door while I was strapped to something that would get ripped out of the wall if I had to chase after him. 140 was the top number, which is insanely high for me. Overall, our little man did at least stay in the room with prompting, though he jumped up and down all over the exam table while I was talking to the doc, ripped paper off of the exam table, and generally was living his very best ADHD bouncing around all over the place kind of life. He did at least shake hands with Dr. B, and I wasn’t sure if he would since he’s never met him before.
When I got home, my blood pressure top number was 112. Contrast both of those with an appointment I had with an optometrist a couple of weeks ago, where Tony was at home with his dad, and the top number was 109.
Typically, even when I’m anxious or only moderately stressed I’m well below the upper limits of normal. But there are a couple of things that will max stress me out, the first of which was a scenario that occurred at the allergist’s office, where I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to keep Tony safe and get my own exam done at the same time.
The second is medical situations that arise where I could or will definitely need to get in to see a specialist ASAP, because often there still isn’t anybody available on that type of short notice who can provide coverage unless Andy happens to have a day off that coincides with whatever problem cropped up. He works at an urgent care, and so that’s entirely a matter of luck. That wasn’t a factor with scheduling the diagnostic mammogram, that really was a matter of limited availability for appointments, but it is often why certain concerns that crop up I/we take care of at home.
I am luckier than some, because I am married to someone who works in healthcare. For example, my husband closed up a laceration on my scalp a few years ago using a technique he was taught that involved knotting together strands of hair because he was at work when it happened and I didn’t have any babysitting options, so I put pressure on it until the bleeding slowed, dumped clotting powder on it, and then he closed it up when he got home. He checked a recent eye injury to make sure there wasn’t an ulceration (the rest of everything I needed to know for how to care for that I’ve learned from previous eye injuries). Anything I am unsure if I will need a doctor for or not he can tell me more specific feedback about whether he thinks I will or not.
But that doesn’t mean I can find someone to babysit Tony in the time frame that is needed if I do.
And sometimes, it really sucks how that feels.
After the blood pressure revelation, I started trying to increase my meditation, piano practice, puzzle assembly, and anything else that I could squeeze in self-care wise. And for a while, life just took that adjustment and just met it with even more stress. Sometimes that is how life is. Part of why I am trying to focus more on positive things with my posts is because as much as anybody I need reminders that the good parts are still there sometimes.
Because they are.
Even when it’s hard.
Even when it’s stressful.
And those are the parts I want to live every second of my life for.
